Monday, January 21, 2013

What's This About Global Warming?

I have a confession: I've become a global warming skeptic, like all the looneys who also think the earth is 5,000 years old and that God wanted the Ravens to win.

It's possible that part of my brain froze over in Harbin this weekend. I used to live in Boston in the bottom half of a house where the landlord never let his mutt inside. Max was a sweet animal, but dumb as a rock, which we figured was caused by the cold winters creating a permafrost segment inside his skull.

I identify with Max now. I've experienced Harbin, the coldest place I've ever been. Because I haven't been to the South Pole like a certain person who did manage to slip his Antarctica trip into the conversation more than once in Harbin.

How cold was Harbin? So cold that even though I basically put on every item of clothing in my suitcase and jammed foot warmers in my boots and hand warmers in my gloves, I was cold.

It was the kind of cold a kid experiences when she's been building snow forts and sledding down hills for an entire day, until suddenly her feet hurt so much she can barely walk on them. It was the kind of cold that made you think twice about taking your fingers out of your gloves to take a photo, the kind that made the carbon dioxide stink of our tour bus seem almost pleasant because at least it was out of the cold.

It was 20 degrees below zero, a cold that made the snow a squeaky crunch under your feet.
But, you know what? It was also fun, if you remind yourself that you'll never pass this way again. Ever.
Why are the dwarfs covered in red? Because it's China.
It's a scary snow elephant.

This baby's bottom is cold. So cold.
One of the sponsors: Bank of Inner Mongolia. Of course.

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